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Energy consumption and greenhouse gas emission

Energy consumption and greenhouse gas emission lXgqX
The pie diagram shows how energy is used in an average Australian general household. Second diagram shows the greenhouse gas emission which results from this energy use. Firstly, energy used in Australian household. Maximum energy is consumed by heating which is 42%, then it comes water heating which is 30%, refrigeration consumes 7%, other appliances contributes15% in energy consumption. Cooling and lighting consumes2 and 4% respectively. Second chart show percentage of greenhouses emitted from Australian households. So, water heating emits 32% of total emission which is the highest, other appliances 28%, refrigeration contributes 14% in greenhouse gas emission, heating, lighting and cooling contributes 15%, 8% and 3%, Respectively. As we have seen in first chart heating and water consumed most of the energy and their repercussion have been faced in greenhouse emission. Almost 50% greenhouse gas are emitted by heating and water heating. While cooling not only used less energy but also emitted least greenhouses gases.
The pie diagram
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shows
how
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energy
is
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used
in an average Australian general household. Second diagram
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shows
the
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greenhouse
gas
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emission
which results from this
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energy
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use
.

Firstly
,
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energy
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used
in Australian household. Maximum
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energy
is consumed
by
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heating
which is 42%, then it
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comes
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water
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heating
which is 30%, refrigeration consumes 7%, other appliances contributes15% in
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energy
consumption. Cooling and lighting consumes2 and 4%
respectively
. Second chart
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show
percentage of
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greenhouses
emitted from Australian households.
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So
,
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water
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heating
emits 32% of total
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emission
which is the highest, other appliances 28%, refrigeration contributes 14% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
,
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heating
, lighting and cooling contributes 15%, 8% and 3%,
Respectively
.

As we have
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seen
in
first
chart
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heating
and
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water
consumed most of the
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energy
and their repercussion have
been faced
in
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greenhouse
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emission
. Almost 50%
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greenhouse
gas
are emitted
by
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heating
and
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water
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heating
. While cooling not
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only
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used
less
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energy
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but
also
emitted
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouses
gases.
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IELTS academic Energy consumption and greenhouse gas emission

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
156 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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