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Encourage the students to take a gap year after graduating from high school. Do you agree with this idead

Encourage the students to take a gap year after graduating from high school. Do you agree with this idead rGJ0J
Encourage the students to take a gap year after graduating from high school. I thing that is good idea for the student but it also have some disadvantages To beginning I will go with the advantages of this idea. Firstly the students’ knowledge. In one year they can review what they have learn before go to the university or go to work, also know more about life (like the communication or the life skill or new languages), manipulate some of their knowledge to the life. For example, my friend who like to stay at home all day and his communication is not very good so his parents made him go out for 1 weeks he and he has made friends with many people. The student also have a lot of free time after high learning for their final exam at the high school and they will have more energy for learning next years. Secondly the future of the students. In one years they can take a past-time job to take some money for their study at the university and think about what they should continue to learn in the future. In contrast, that idea also have some disadvantages. The student can dropout. When they go to take a part-time job they will think that is good job and continue to do in the future and they will continue to study on university. So take a part-time job also is reason for a lot of student to dropout. In conclusion, the student have to know what they should do in one year after high school or continue go to university.
Encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after graduating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school. I
Did you mean the verb "think"?
thing
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
Did you mean "has"?
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages

To beginning I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the advantages of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Firstly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
knowledge. In one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
they can review what they have
Use past participle here: "learned", "learnt".
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or go to work,
also
know more about life (like the communication or the life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
or new languages), manipulate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their knowledge to the life.
For example
, my friend who like to stay at home all day and his communication is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
his parents made him go out for 1 weeks he and he has made friends with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
free time after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
learning for their final exam at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they will have more energy for learning
next
years.
Secondly
the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one year", "a year", or simply "years"?
one years
they can take a past-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money for their study at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
to learn in the future.

In contrast
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can dropout. When they go to take a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
to do in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
to study on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
take a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
also
is reason for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to dropout.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know what they should do in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
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IELTS academic Encourage the students to take a gap year after graduating from high school. Do you agree with this idead

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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