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Eating at fast food restaurant

Eating at fast food restaurant y7OwJ
The bar graph shows how often the Americans consume fast food at restaurant during a decade. Overall, consumption of junk food once a week and month was the most popular. Besides. the lowest proportions of people preferred eating on a daily basis. At first, the share of the Americans eating fast food once a weak accounted for around the third and rose slightly before falling to reach over a quarter. In comparison, the figure for percentage of people consuming fell gradually following which it grew significantly to hit 33%. The percentage of individuals Who went to junk food restaurants several times a week was responsible for more than 15% and soared by 3%, after which it came back its original rate in 2013. Furthermore, the proportion of fast food user in every day had a tiny decrease in 2013 as well as people who never ate it.
The bar graph
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shows
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the Americans consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at restaurant during a decade.

Overall
, consumption of junk
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food
once a week and month was the most popular.
Besides
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
lowest proportions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferred eating on a daily basis.

At
first
, the share of the Americans eating
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
once a weak accounted for around the third and rose
slightly
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before
falling to reach over a quarter.
In comparison
, the figure for percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consuming fell
gradually
following which it grew
significantly
to hit 33%.

The percentage of individuals Who went to junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants several times a week was responsible for more than 15% and soared by 3%, after which it came back its original rate in 2013.
Furthermore
, the proportion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
user
Did you mean "in everyday"?
in every day
had a tiny decrease in 2013
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who never ate it.
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IELTS academic Eating at fast food restaurant

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
147 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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