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The bar chart illustrates data about the expenditures on two various electronic devices( computers and smartphones) in China between 2011 and 2015. Unit is shown in million dollars.

The bar chart illustrates data about the expenditures on two various electronic devices( computers and smartphones) in China between 2011 and 2015. Unit is shown in million dollars. kxMnW
The bar chart illustrates data about the expenditures on two various electronic devices( computers and smartphones) in China between 2011 and 2015. Unit is shown in million dollars. Overall, throughout the years, the spending on both computers and smartphones climbed. In addition, each year expense on computers outraced that of mobile phones. In terms of computers, it started with 30 million dollar sales in 2011. This figure increased steadily with about 5 million dollars and accounted for 40 million dollar, before peaking at 50 million dollar in 2015. Each sale of computers exceeded that of phones with approximately 6 million dollar in 2015. With regard to the mobile phones, the expense on them remained steady between 2011 and 2013, at 10 million dollar. Additionally, in 2013 difference between sales of computers and smartphones reached peak point at 30 million dollar. In 2014, the figure rose significantly and made up 30 million dollar. In final year it hit high-point and comprised about 44 million dollar.
The bar chart illustrates data about the expenditures on two various electronic devices
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
computers and smartphones) in China between 2011 and 2015. Unit
is shown
in
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
dollars.

Overall
, throughout the years, the spending on both computers and smartphones climbed.
In addition
, each year expense on computers outraced that of mobile phones.

In terms of computers, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollar
sales in 2011. This figure increased
steadily
with about 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
and accounted for 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
peaking at 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
in 2015. Each sale of computers exceeded that of phones with approximately 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
in 2015.

With regard to the mobile phones, the expense on them remained steady between 2011 and 2013, at 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
.
Additionally
, in 2013 difference between sales of computers and smartphones reached peak point at 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
. In 2014, the figure rose
significantly
and made up 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
. In final year it hit high-point and comprised about 44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates data about the expenditures on two various electronic devices( computers and smartphones) in China between 2011 and 2015. Unit is shown in million dollars.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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