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passenger count for the Underground Station in London for different times of the day

passenger count for the Underground Station in London for different times of the day n1MoR
From this graph we can get the passenger count for the Underground Station in London for different times of the day. The time period starts from 6 am and ends at 10 pm. Overall, from the graph it can be gathered that the station faces it's most busiest times in the morning and during the evening periods. On the other hand, the pressure of the passengers vary throughout the middle part of the day. Meanwhile another notable aspect is, right after a peak period the number of passengers tend to drop below the average. Between at about 7. 30 to 9. 30 in the morning, the number of people using the station reaches the peak at 400 passengers, presumably because it's generally the start of the office hours. The same thing is repeated in the evening between about 5. 30 pm and 7 pm, where nearly 400 commuters take the service of the station. On the other hand, right after the peaks at arount 10 am in the morning and 8 pm in the evening the people using the stations are at one of the lowest points, counting at about 200 and little above 100 passengers respectively. Although the lowest point in the whole graph is at 4 pm with about 100 passengers right after an afternoon peak.
From this graph we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
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passenger
count for the Underground
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Station
in London for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
times of the day. The time period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from 6 am and ends at 10 pm.

Overall
, from the graph it can
be gathered
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
station
faces
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (short form of 'it is')?
it's
Use only "busiest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most busiest
times in the morning and during the evening periods.
On the other hand
, the pressure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
vary throughout the middle part of the day.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
another notable aspect is, right after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peak
period the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
tend to drop below the average.

Between at about 7. 30 to 9. 30 in the morning, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using the
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station
reaches the
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peak
at 400
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passengers
, presumably
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because
it's
generally
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the office hours. The same thing
is repeated
in the evening between about 5. 30 pm and 7 pm, where
nearly
400 commuters take the service of the station.

On the other hand
, right after the
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peaks
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
arount
10
This is redundant. Consider using "am".
am in the morning
and 8
This is redundant. Consider using "pm".
pm in the evening
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stations
are at one of the lowest points, counting at about 200 and
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little
above 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
respectively
. Although the lowest point in the whole graph is at 4 pm with about 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
right after an afternoon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peak
.
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IELTS academic passenger count for the Underground Station in London for different times of the day

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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