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information about the number of cases of diarrhea

information about the number of cases of diarrhea y7O8D
The line graph shows how many people suffered from diarrhea in Mashhad from 1983 to 1992. Overall, the amounts of people suffering from diarrhea dropped significantly throughout the survey. Besides, they were at their highest in 1989 while the weakest disease figure could be observed in 1992. At the beginning, the number of people who were infected by diarrhea stood at 100 cases and maintained the same level until 1985. The figure abruptly grew to 200 cases during the next two years, which was followed by a decline of about 50% in 88. However, the figure for suffered people from illness suddenly rose fourfold and had reached a peak of 400 cases by 1989. One year later, the level of sufferers declined by 50, following which it stayed steady for a year before diving dramatically and hitting a low of zero cases in 1992.
The line graph
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shows
how
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many
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people
suffered from diarrhea in Mashhad from 1983 to 1992.

Overall
, the amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from diarrhea dropped
significantly
throughout the survey.
Besides
, they were at their highest in 1989 while the weakest disease figure could
be observed
in 1992.

At the beginning, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
were infected
by diarrhea stood at 100 cases and maintained the same level until 1985. The figure
abruptly
grew to 200 cases during the
next
two years, which
was followed
by a decline of about 50% in 88.
However
, the figure for suffered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from illness
suddenly
rose fourfold and had reached a peak of 400 cases by 1989. One year later, the level of sufferers declined by 50, following which it stayed steady for a year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
diving
dramatically
and hitting a low of zero cases in 1992.
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IELTS academic information about the number of cases of diarrhea

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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