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Discribe the bar chart then discribe the difreance

Discribe the bar chart then discribe the difreance okPpV
The given bar chart below compares Australian’s habits on buying and drinking coffee and tea in last 4 weeks in five different cities. It can be seen obviously that most people preferred to went to a coffee store, especially in Sydney, Melbourne, and Hobart. In contrast, people seemed not to be interested in buying fresh coffee. In term of going to a café, it was the favorite habit of residents in Melbourne, proved by the highest proportion at nearly 65%, familiars to figures for Sydney and Hobart, at 61% and 63% respectively, whereas the percentage of people in Adelaide was the lowest, below 50%. Regarding instant coffee, the percentages of people, who enjoy buying it, have not significant differences between the five cities, at around 45% to 55%. In terms of a remaining habit, it was clear that Australians do not favor buying fresh coffee. In Brisbane and Adelaide, for example, the figures for this habit were the lowest in comparison with others, both below 35%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart below compares Australian’s
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habits
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
and drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and tea in last 4 weeks in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
obviously
that most
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people
preferred to went to a
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coffee
store,
especially
in Sydney, Melbourne, and Hobart.
In contrast
,
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people
seemed not to
be interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
fresh coffee.

In term of going to a café, it was the favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of residents in Melbourne, proved by the highest proportion at
nearly
65%, familiars to figures for Sydney and Hobart, at 61% and 63%
respectively
, whereas the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Adelaide was the lowest, below 50%. Regarding instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
, the percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
it, have not significant differences between the five cities, at around 45% to 55%.

In terms of a remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
, it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Australians do not favor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
. In Brisbane and Adelaide,
for example
, the figures for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
were the lowest
in comparison
with others, both below 35%.
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IELTS academic Discribe the bar chart then discribe the difreance

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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