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Different work that UK students did during 2008

Different work that UK students did during 2008 XnkNE
The bar charts survey about different types of work that UK graduates and postgraduate students did after leaving college in 2008. The charts show that most UK students did not go to full-time work, and yet chose to do other work instead. Therefore, to report the main features, these 3 different types of work will be compared between UK graduates and postgraduate students. During 2008, there were 30000 UK graduates and 3000 postgraduate students respectively. According to the bar charts, most students preferred to study further after leaving their colleges. And so, it is found that 29665 UK graduates decided to pursue further studies, whereas the number of UK postgraduate students who studied further was about 2725. While most students were planning for further studies, it is shown that 17735 UK graduates and 2535 postgraduate students did part-time work to save money for their daily life. Surprisingly, the bar charts discuss that 16235 UK graduates and 1625 postgraduate students were still unemployed as job hunting seemed to be very difficult at that time. Finally, from the bar charts, it is deducted that only a few students helped in voluntary work. To conclude, in this essay, we can summarize that most UK graduates and postgraduate students prepared for further studies during 2008.
The bar
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charts
survey about
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different
types of
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work
that UK
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graduates
and
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postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did after leaving college in 2008. The
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charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that most UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did not go to full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and
yet
chose to do other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
.
Therefore
, to report the main features, these 3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
be compared
between UK
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graduates
and
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postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. During 2008, there were 30000 UK
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graduates
and 3000
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postgraduate
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students
respectively
. According to the bar
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charts
, most
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students
preferred to
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study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
after leaving their colleges. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it
is found
that 29665 UK
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graduates
decided to pursue
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further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, whereas the number of UK
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postgraduate
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students
who studied
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further
was about 2725. While most
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students
were planning for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, it
is shown
that 17735 UK
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graduates
and 2535
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postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to save money for their daily life.
Surprisingly
, the bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
discuss that 16235 UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and 1625
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were
still
unemployed as job hunting seemed to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult at that time.
Finally
, from the bar
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charts
, it
is deducted
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
To conclude
, in this essay, we can summarize that most UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prepared for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
during 2008.

IELTS academic Different work that UK students did during 2008

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
211 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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