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Development across the city hospital in span of 3 year

Development across the city hospital in span of 3 year NMO2d
In this Map, City hospital nearby infrastructure development over the course of time is shown. City hospital is situated in north and surrounded by ring road which is linked with hospital road down towards the south and furthermore connected to city road. In 2007, across the hospital road on the west ad east there is 6 bus stop and parking lot for public and staff on east. However, in 2010 it is re-constructed and removed the 6 bus station along the road and establised dedicated space on east side of hospital road and in west common parking is now solely available for staff. The public car parking moved to east of hospital adjacent to it. There is huge changes ocurred in the junctions both the junction in 2007 is converted to roundabout in 2010.
In this Map, City
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hospital
nearby infrastructure development over the course of time
is shown
. City
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hospital
is situated
in north and surrounded by ring
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road
which
is linked
with
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hospital
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road
down towards the south and
furthermore
connected to city road.

In 2007, across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
on the west ad east there is 6 bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and parking
Possible agreement error. The noun 'lot' seems to be countable, so consider using: "lots".
lot
for public and staff on east.
However
, in 2010 it is re-constructed and removed the 6 bus station along the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
establised
dedicated space on east side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and in west common parking is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
solely
available for staff. The public car parking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to east of
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hospital
adjacent to it. There is huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
Possible spelling mistake found.
ocurred
in the junctions both the junction in 2007
is converted
to roundabout in 2010.
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IELTS academic Development across the city hospital in span of 3 year

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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