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Describing a bar chart about the online sales of smartphones, laptops and Tablets in the first quarter of 2019

Describing a bar chart about the online sales of smartphones, laptops and Tablets in the first quarter of 2019 0a6R1
The bar chart represents the total online sales of many electronic devices include smartphones, tablets, and laptops from January to April of 2019. Overall, laptops experienced a downward trend, while tablets and smartphones keep rising remarkably. However, at the end of the period, the numbers had fluctuations: laptops outraced tablets and smartphones to be the device has the highest number of online sales. In January, laptops' quantity was about 50 million, being the highest number of sales in this month. Hence, it went down gradually to nearly 25 million in March. After that, it increased rapidly and hit a peak of over 50 million in April. The number of tablets which are in sales in the first month was more than 30 million. It rose dramatically and reached just below 65 million. Although it had been speedily increased, it crashed to almost 30 million in April, being the lowest number compared to other 2 devices'. Smartphones' number was at the lowest point was about nearly 20 million at the first time of the period. There was a considerable change in its number of sales that it archieved just above 70 million in March. However, it dropped significantly just about more than 40 million in April.
The bar chart represents the total online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
electronic devices include smartphones, tablets, and laptops from January to
When specifying a month and year, 'of' is unnecessary: "April 2019".
April of 2019
.

Overall
, laptops experienced a downward trend, while tablets and smartphones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
rising
remarkably
.
However
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
had fluctuations: laptops outraced tablets and smartphones to be the device has the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of online sales.

In January, laptops' quantity was about 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
, being the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in this month.
Hence
, it went down
gradually
to
nearly
25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in March. After that, it increased
rapidly
and hit a peak of over 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in April. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of tablets which are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in the
first
month was more than 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. It rose
dramatically
and reached
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. Although it had been
speedily
increased, it crashed to almost 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in April, being the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
compared to other 2 devices'. Smartphones'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
was at the lowest point was about
nearly
20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
at the
first
time of the period. There was a considerable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
that it
Possible spelling mistake found.
archieved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in March.
However
, it dropped
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about more than 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in April.
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IELTS academic Describing a bar chart about the online sales of smartphones, laptops and Tablets in the first quarter of 2019

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
205 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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