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Describe the person whom you admire and explain why

Describe the person whom you admire and explain why Jlmje
When it comes to admiration, a number of us will mistake it for love and respect. In fact, admiration is the state that arises when we refer to someone whose talents and abilities are beyond the norm. It is not the same as the love and respect we have for our families. Admiration helps promote self-fulfillment through learning from models. For me, when it comes to idols or more, I would proudly say it's BTS. First and for most, I admire them because of their unending perseverance. Surely everyone is familiar with BTS, in light of the fact that now they are a global phenomenon who inspires young people around the world. Their songs all have a special meaning, the music products they produced always take the world by storm. They’re not only breaking the world records, but also set new world records. The name BTS always appears on the charts and prestigious music awards such as Billboard Hot 100, Grammy, AAA. . . Moreover, they have 4 times recorded their name in the Guinness with their achievements. On the contrary, when looking at what they achieved, I trust that anyone think that it was an arduous and hard process, it was not a path of roses, it was a road full of thorns with sweat and tears. . . BTS, a boy band from Korea, comes from a tiny company, not extremely well-known in this harsh entertainment industry. Prior to that, each of them had more choices to enter enormous and prominent corporations, nonetheless they refused and chose an unknown one like BigHit. Since joining the company, they have faced with a plethora of obstacles, difficulties that can make people collapse in a second. Furthermore, survival in the entertainment industry is not easy. At the end, they chose to walk together instead of gave up, and they knew they have to try harder than anyone. I was amazed the way they love other members as their families. If others songs are about love, BTS's music is life and youth. If the other waste time and money on parties, they still busy following their passion. Their concept is so strange, they wrote and made music with their experiences, about difficult youth and how they grow up, about how to listen to themselves and love themselves. Their music is blood sweat and tears, therefor listeners always find themselves in their songs. A cup, then a second one, then a glass case full of cups, they have achieved countless successes along the way, what music enthusiasts always aim for, they have become a leader, an inspiration to young people about self-love and a model for youngsters to follow. I would say that BTS told me that we must have dreams and put ours heart and soul into passions, it’s the most important step to be success. If other people started from zero, they would start from negative number, raise from nobodies to worldwide legends. Another and merit worth mentioned in that, I take avid interest BTS in their characters. Since knowing them, I found that they are such appealing personalities. During 8 years following dreams, they have never got a scandal about attitude. The more they succeed, the more they be modest and hard-working. Although we are all in the pandemic COVID-19, while other artists stopped working, their schedules are still full from morning till night. They are spending for hour in the studio composing songs, making online concerts…as their habits. That’s why they can cross the limit and reach for success. In fact, nowadays, some celebrities only act in front of the camera, when it is off, they often look down their staffs and show off their status. But with BTS, beyond the scene they are told to be very kind-hearted, polite and affable, every staffs and colleagues love them. Besides, even they earn numerous money, they still lead a minimalist and frugal lifestyle, doing charity to help the poor and orphan. On of top that BTS love their fans as much as their families and they are always ready to protect their adorers if somebody harm them. I have learned a plethora of things from BTS, one of them is living with warm-hearted with all people, it not only create an appealing personality, but it also makes this life more meaningful. Last but not least, I pay homepage to BTS since the way they dare to think and dare to do. Seeing their foothold in the world, I believe that how magical and unimaginable the things they have done and will do are be. Their concept music is strange, their road is hard but they still chose them to be their final goals. They are now worldwide artists beyond all people expectations. I remember the group's inspirational speech at the United Nations that went like this: “I made mistakes in the past, though the “me” in the past is still me. Today I am me with all my faults and shortcomings. Tomorrow, even though I may be a little more mature, it's unchanged me. Mistakes and shortcomings made me a star. We've learned to love ourselves, and now we want you to have your say. I want to ask you: what's your name, what makes you like get excited and make your heart beat, tell me your story, I want to hear your voice, I want to hear your opinion. No matter who you are, where you are from, no matter the color of your skin you, your gender, say your voice", and after that speech, I was really impressed and admired them even more. The way they inspire youngsters is very clear, passionate and genuine. When almost young people now don’t have dream or ashamed about themselves, BTS’ appearance meet our need. They helps teenager love themselves, find their passion and follow it. Furthermore, the song “Dynamite”, which is their melodies, have become motivation for doctors and patients that are facing with pandemic COVID-19…I haven't followed BTS since the first day. By chance, one time I heard their songs, read the lyrics, I felt that I had just found my own self, found its messages, moreover I understood their stories, I had amazed with their accomplishments and I have loved and admired them. Since that moment, I feel that I understand life and understand myself more, form my dreams and dare to follow it, make my life more meaningful and especially, I find that I have found someone who sympathizes and confides in me through their songs. These arias have become my motivation in my life. I have never felt pity for being their fan, and I think they are a momentous part of my growth. That’s visible. It's not natural when I admire BTS. With the world, they have contributed their talent and music. With me, they have told me numerous lessons, help me love myself, form my dreams and give me faith to achieve it, and furthermore, they make my life to be more colorful and meaningful.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to admiration, a number of us will mistake it for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and respect. In fact, admiration is the state that arises when we refer to someone whose talents and abilities are beyond the norm. It is not the same as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and respect we have for our families. Admiration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
promote self-fulfillment through learning from models. For me, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to idols or more, I would
proudly
say it's BTS.

First
and for most, I admire them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their unending perseverance.
Surely
everyone is familiar with BTS, in light of the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
they are a global phenomenon who inspires young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Their songs all have a special meaning, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
products they produced always take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
by storm. They’re not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
breaking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
records,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
set new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
records. The name BTS always appears on the charts and prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
awards such as Billboard Hot 100, Grammy, AAA.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Moreover
, they have 4 times recorded their name in the Guinness with their achievements.
On the contrary
, when looking at what they achieved, I trust that anyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it was an arduous and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
process, it was not a path of roses, it was a road full of thorns with sweat and tears.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
BTS, a boy band from Korea,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from a tiny
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, not
extremely
well-known in this harsh entertainment industry. Prior to that, each of them had more choices to enter enormous and prominent corporations, nonetheless they refused and chose an unknown one like
Possible spelling mistake found.
BigHit
. Since joining the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, they have faced with a plethora of obstacles, difficulties that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
collapse in a second.
Furthermore
, survival in the entertainment industry is not easy. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, they chose to walk together
instead
of gave up, and they knew they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try harder than anyone. I
was amazed
the way they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members as their families. If others songs are about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
, BTS's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and youth. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
waste time and money on parties, they
still
busy following their passion. Their concept is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strange, they wrote and made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with their experiences, about difficult youth and how they grow up, about how to listen to themselves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
themselves. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is blood sweat and tears, therefor listeners always find themselves in their songs. A cup, then a second one, then a glass case full of cups, they have achieved countless successes along the way, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
enthusiasts always aim for, they have become a leader, an inspiration to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about self-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and a model for youngsters to follow. I would say that BTS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
and put ours heart and soul into passions, it’s the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
step to be success. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from zero, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
number, raise from nobodies to worldwide legends.

Another and merit worth mentioned in that, I take avid interest BTS in their characters. Since knowing them, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
that they are such appealing personalities. During 8 years following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
, they have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a scandal about attitude. The more they succeed, the more they be modest and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working. Although we are all in the pandemic COVID-19, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working, their schedules are
still
full from morning till night. They are spending for hour in the studio composing songs, making online concerts…as their habits. That’s why they can cross the limit and reach for success. In fact, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
act in front of the camera, when it is off, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
look down their staffs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their status.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with BTS, beyond the scene they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
kind-hearted, polite and affable, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "staff"?
staffs
and colleagues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
them.
Besides
, even they earn numerous money, they
still
lead a minimalist and frugal lifestyle, doing charity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the poor and orphan. On of top that BTS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
their fans as much as their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
families and
they are always ready to protect their adorers if somebody
The pronoun 'somebody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "harms", "harmed".
harm
them. I have learned a plethora of things from BTS, one of them is living with warm-hearted with all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create an appealing personality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more meaningful.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, I pay homepage to BTS since the way they dare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and dare to do. Seeing their foothold in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, I believe that how magical and unimaginable the things they have done and will do are be. Their concept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is strange, their road is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
still
chose them to be their final goals. They are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
worldwide artists beyond all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
expectations. I remember the group's inspirational speech at the United Nations that went like this: “I made mistakes in the past, though the “me” in the past is
still
me.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
I am me with all my faults and shortcomings. Tomorrow,
even though
I may be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more mature, it's unchanged me. Mistakes and shortcomings made me a star. We've learned to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
ourselves, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
you to have your say. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to ask you: what's your name, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
excited and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
your heart beat,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
me your story, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to hear your voice, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to hear your opinion. No matter who you are, where you are from, no matter the color of your skin you, your gender, say your voice
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, and after that speech, I was
really
impressed and admired them even more. The way they inspire youngsters is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, passionate and genuine. When almost young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
don’t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
or ashamed about themselves, BTS’ appearance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
our need. They
The pronoun 'They' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "help"
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
themselves, find their passion and follow it.
Furthermore
, the song “Dynamite”, which is their melodies, have become motivation for doctors and patients that are facing with pandemic COVID-19…
Add a space between sentences
I
haven't followed BTS since the
first
day. By chance, one time I heard their songs, read the lyrics, I felt that I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
its messages,
moreover
I understood their stories, I had amazed with their accomplishments and I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and admired them. Since that moment, I feel that I understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and understand myself more, form my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
and dare to follow it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more meaningful and
especially
, I find that I have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
someone who sympathizes and confides in me through their songs. These arias have become my motivation in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I have never felt pity for being their fan, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are a momentous part of my growth.

That’s visible. It's not natural when I admire BTS. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, they have contributed their talent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. With me, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me numerous lessons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
myself, form my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
and give me faith to achieve it, and
furthermore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to be more colorful and meaningful.
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IELTS academic Describe the person whom you admire and explain why

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
1170 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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