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describe the earnings of exports

describe the earnings of exports MoLyq
The following chart shows the profit of one’s country exports in various categories between 2015 and 2016. The products consisted of petroleum goods, engineered goods, gems and jewellery, agricultural products and textiles. During one-year period, petroleum and engineered goods were worthy of over 60 billions dollars and increased in values, 3% for petroleum and almost 10% for engineered products. Agricultural products and textiles reached over 30 billions dollars. Agricultural profit witnessed a slight rise of less than 1%, however, textiles value grew a considerable amount of over 15%. There was a moderate drop in value in the category of gems and jewellery, of about 5%. In conclusion, petroleum and engineered exports were the most profitable products
The following chart
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shows
the profit of one’s country exports in various categories between 2015 and 2016. The
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products
consisted of
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petroleum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
,
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engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, gems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
, agricultural
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products
and textiles.

During one-year period,
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petroleum
and
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engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
were worthy of over 60 billions dollars and increased in values, 3% for
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petroleum
and almost 10% for
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engineered
products.

Agricultural
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products
and textiles reached over 30 billions dollars. Agricultural profit witnessed a slight rise of less than 1%,
however
, textiles value grew a considerable amount of over 15%. There was a moderate drop in value in the category of gems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
, of about 5%.

In conclusion
,
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petroleum
and
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engineered
exports were the most profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
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IELTS academic describe the earnings of exports

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
115 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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