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The expenditure on among three categories at different age group

The expenditure on among three categories at different age group aE62P
In this bar graph, described the expanses of various age groups of citizens under the nation of united Kingdom in 2004. Overall, It is clearly visible in this chart. Horizontal line denotes for various age parts of pupil and on other side seems that a vertical line which expressed ratio of whole spending on three categories of stuff are food and drink, Restaurant and hotel, Entertainment. This all three things popped in different grid of bar slab. Firstly, Commence with food and drink there ratio of uses escalated suddenly in all age group along with this focus on another stuff Entertainment were also statically raised, if look at percentage aspects of consuming was start from 7 percent and reached at there pick point of 23 percent at age of 61 to 75 than eventually it was suddenly declined 1/3rd at upto age of 75. Now, look at Restaurant and hotel. Here, lots of up and down is clearly identical in graph. However, at some age it had constant usage around 13 to 14% in under 30 to 60 age, yet, in the age between 61 to 75 is touched ground if we look in ratio then it is around 2% than after suddenly thier demand pick up and touched 7% consumption in age upto 76.
In this bar graph,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
the expanses of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups of citizens under the nation of
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
united Kingdom
in 2004.

Overall
, It is
clearly
visible in this chart. Horizontal line denotes for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
parts of pupil and on other side seems that a vertical line which expressed ratio of whole spending on three categories of stuff are food and drink, Restaurant and hotel, Entertainment. This all three things popped in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
grid of bar slab.

Firstly
, Commence with food and drink there ratio of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
escalated
suddenly
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group along with this focus on another stuff Entertainment were
also
statically
raised, if look at percentage aspects of consuming was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from 7 percent and reached at
Did you mean "their"?
there
pick point of 23 percent at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 61 to 75 than
eventually
it was
suddenly
declined 1/3rd at
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 75.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, look at Restaurant and hotel. Here, lots of up and down is
clearly
identical in graph.
However
, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
it had constant usage around 13 to 14% in under 30 to 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
yet
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 61 and 75".
between 61 to 75
is touched
ground if we look in ratio then it is around 2% than after
suddenly
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
demand pick up and touched 7% consumption in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
76.
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IELTS academic The expenditure on among three categories at different age group

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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