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describe the chart that shows the expenditure between two countries in 2010

describe the chart that shows the expenditure between two countries in 2010 rL8m2
The bar chart illustrates the amount of money which was spent on 5 consumer goods (cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras) in the UK and France in 2010. Units are measured in pounds sterling. Overall, the expenditure in the UK was higher than that of France. Both the British and the French spent most of the money on cars, while in the UK the least amount of money was spent on perfume compared to cameras in France. Furthermore, the most significant difference in the expenditure between the two countries was on cameras. In terms of cars, the British expended just over 450000 pounds on this as opposed to exactly 400000 pounds in France. In the UK, the expenditure on books was higher than in France (around 400000 pounds and 300000 pounds respectively). The expenditure on cameras in the UK (about 350000 pounds ) was over double that of France which was 150000 pounds. On the other hand, the money paid out on remaining goods was higher in France. The French spent over 350000 pounds on computers which was slightly higher than the British who spent 300000 pounds on it. Neither of the countries spent much on perfume which accounted for 200000 pounds of expenditure in France but under 150000 pounds in the UK.
The bar chart illustrates the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on 5 consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
(cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras) in the UK and France in 2010. Units
are measured
in pounds sterling.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
in the UK was higher than that of France. Both the British and the French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on cars, while in the UK the least amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on perfume compared to cameras in France.
Furthermore
, the most significant difference in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
between the two countries was on cameras.

In terms of cars, the British expended
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over
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450000 pounds
on this as opposed to exactly
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400000 pounds
in France. In the UK, the
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expenditure
on books was higher than in France (around
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400000 pounds
and
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300000 pounds
respectively
). The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
on cameras in the UK (about
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
350000 pounds
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
was over double that of France which was
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
150000 pounds
.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
paid out on remaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
was higher in France. The French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
over
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
350000 pounds
on computers which was
slightly
higher than the British who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
300000 pounds
on it. Neither of the countries
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spent
much on perfume which accounted for
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200000 pounds
of
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expenditure
in France
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
150000 pounds
in the UK.
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IELTS academic describe the chart that shows the expenditure between two countries in 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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