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Cement and Concrete manufacture

Cement and Concrete manufacture 0nnAl
The first diagram depicts the manufacturing of cement using limestone and clay while the second diagram depicts the production of concrete from cement, sand, gravel, and water. Different processes and equipment are involved in the production of both. Firstly, limestone and clay a ground together by the aid of a crusher. The powder is then added to the mixer. After mixing it, it is then passed onto the rotating heater, in which heat is provided from the bottom of the cylindrical container. It is then passed through the grinder to obtain cement. The final product is then packed in bags, ready for retail in the market. Concrete production requires addition of 15% of cement, 10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of gravel. The components are then mixed thoroughly using a concrete mixer. Concrete is obtained as the final product, which is used heavily in the manufacturing industry.
The
first
diagram depicts the manufacturing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
using limestone and clay while the second diagram depicts the production of concrete from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
, sand, gravel, and water.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
processes and equipment
are involved
in the production of both.

Firstly
, limestone and clay a ground together by the aid of a crusher. The powder is then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the mixer. After mixing it, it is then passed onto the rotating heater, in which heat
is provided
from the bottom of the cylindrical container. It is then passed through the grinder to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
. The final product is then packed in bags, ready for retail in the market.

Concrete production requires addition of 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
, 10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of gravel. The components are then mixed
thoroughly
using a concrete mixer. Concrete
is obtained
as the final product, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
heavily
in the manufacturing industry.
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IELTS academic Cement and Concrete manufacture

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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