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Describe energy use in Australia homes in 2008

Describe energy use in Australia homes in 2008 7L3By
The pie diagram gives and makes a comparison between the data abouts the consumption of energy in Australian homes in 2008. Overall, we can easily see that the “Heating and cooling” region is the largest in 7 different part. More than a third of energy in Australian homes have been used to heating and cooling. Beside that, exactly a quarter of Australian resident utilize there energy for water heating. The amount of used energy for “Lighting” and “Fridges and freezers” are indentical with 7 percent each. The energy for other appliances accounting for just over 15% of the total amount. Remaining categories just have a minor amount in the total energy. 4 percent of the total energy is used for cooking while the device are put on standby power assume 3 per cent. In conclusion, the energy use in Australian homes mostly focus in the “Heating and cooling” and “Water heating” regions. The remain categories just take minor places in the total amount of energy.
The pie diagram gives and
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makes
a comparison between the data
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abouts
the consumption of
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energy
in Australian homes in 2008.

Overall
, we can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Heating
and cooling” region is the largest in 7
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part. More than a third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in Australian homes have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
and cooling. Beside that, exactly a quarter of Australian resident utilize there
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energy
for water heating.

The amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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energy
for “Lighting” and “Fridges and freezers” are
Possible spelling mistake found.
indentical
with 7 percent each. The
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energy
for other appliances accounting for
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just
over 15% of the
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total
amount.

Remaining categories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have a minor amount in the
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total
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energy
. 4 percent of the
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total
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energy
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for cooking while the device
are put
on standby power assume 3 per cent.

In conclusion
, the
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in Australian homes
mostly
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
the
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“Heating
and cooling” and “Water
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heating”
regions.
After 'The', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'remain' is correct. If 'remain' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
The remain
categories
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just
take minor places in the
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total
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
.
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IELTS academic Describe energy use in Australia homes in 2008

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
165 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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