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Describe an important building in your city

Describe an important building in your city dpNW6
Hello, today I’m going to tell you about an important building in my city HP. Despite the COVID-19 pandemic, HP has always shown its development dynamism. One of the most breakthrough buildings that helped HP show its name to other provinces in the country and the foreign tourists when coming to HP is Aeon Mall. A is the first and largest Japan trade center in HP, which provides adequate shopping, food, and entertainment services with more than 200 department stores. It has 3 floors, designed with a curved shape to extend the space. The thing that makes me like the most when I come to A is a variety of foods stalls from Asia to Europe. Everything is always fresh and made new every day to ensure the best quality at a good price. Besides the food, I have a special place whenever I go to A, a coworking space. It is the mezzanine on the food street 3rd floor. I often take a rest or study there without fear of anyone. I think A is an ideal place for entertainment after hours of stressful working if we don’t know where to go. Therefore A is always busy with many customers.
Hello,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
I’m going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you about an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
building in my city HP. Despite the COVID-19 pandemic, HP has always shown its development dynamism. One of the most breakthrough buildings that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
HP
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
its name to other provinces in the country and the foreign tourists when coming to HP is
Possible spelling mistake. 'Aeon' is British English.
Aeon
Mall. A is the
first
and largest Japan trade center in HP, which provides adequate shopping,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and entertainment services with more than 200 department stores. It has 3 floors, designed with a curved shape to extend the space. The thing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me like the most when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to A is a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
stalls from Asia to Europe. Everything is always fresh and made new every day to ensure the best quality at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
price.
Besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, I have a special place whenever I go to A, a coworking space. It is the mezzanine on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
street 3rd floor. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take a rest or study there without fear of anyone. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
A is an ideal place for entertainment after hours of stressful working if we don’t know where to go.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
A is always busy with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
customers.
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IELTS academic Describe an important building in your city

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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