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The bar chart show the amount of sugar intake of males and females in the USA in 2000

The bar chart show the amount of sugar intake of males and females in the USA in 2000 gqR1g
The bar chart illustrates the amount of salt which males and females in the USA consumed in 2000. As can be seen on the bar chart, the proportion of salt intake by both genders from 20 years old to 39 years old in the USA was the highest in all counterparts, while the propotions of salt intake from the age group below 6 years old was lowest in the chart. Females who under 6 years old consumed more 2000 milligrams of salt, which belowed the recommend salt intake. But when they were grown, from teenagers to adults, the propotion of salt were over the recommend salt income, and increased from 3500 milligrams to 4500 milligrams, which is the number of salt that the females from 20 years old to 39 years old consumed. Then from 40 years old and for elderly, the amount of salt decreased from 4000 milligrams and 3500 milligrams respectively, although the salt intake were over the recommend measure. Males from under 6 years old consume only 1250 milligrams of salt. And for they were grown, the amount of salt was not changed for all age group, and the measure was around 2500 milligrams and more 3000 milligrams of salt, which was over the measure that is recommend by doctors.
The bar chart illustrates the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
which males and females in the USA consumed in 2000.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on the bar chart, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
by both genders from 20 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
to 39 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
in the USA was the highest in all counterparts, while the
Possible spelling mistake found.
propotions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
from the age group below 6 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
was lowest in the chart.

Females who under 6 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
consumed more 2000 milligrams of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
, which
Possible spelling mistake found.
belowed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when they
were grown
, from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to adults, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
propotion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
were over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
income, and increased from 3500 milligrams to 4500 milligrams, which is the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
that the females from 20 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
to 39 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
consumed. Then from 40 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and for elderly, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
decreased from 4000 milligrams and 3500 milligrams
respectively
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
were over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recommend
measure.

Males from under 6 years
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old
consume
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1250 milligrams of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
. And for they
were grown
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
for all age group, and the measure was around 2500 milligrams and more 3000 milligrams of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salt
, which was over the measure
that is
Consider using a past participle here: "recommended".
recommend
by doctors.
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IELTS academic The bar chart show the amount of sugar intake of males and females in the USA in 2000

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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