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consumer expenditure on different goods and services in five nations

consumer expenditure on different goods and services in five nations PR5op
The table illustrates consumer expenditure on different goods and services in five nations: Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in 2002. Overall, the proportion of spending on Foods/Drinks/Tobacco account for a part of large, whereas expenditure on leisure and education was the lowest. The percentage of spending on items of Turkey was higher than the different nations. Turkey spent the most on Foods/Drinks/Tobacco about 32%, while the figure for Ireland was slightly lower than, close to 29%. By contrast, These goods were consumed the least in Sweden, only 15. 8% of total expenditure. The proportion of spending on leisure and education was highest in Turkey with 25%. Whereas, the percentage of consumption was lowest by just 1. 98%. Turning to clothing and footwear, Italy spent more than the other countries, about 9%, while the lowest percentage of spending was witnessed in Spain, just 5. 4%. The different countries spent average around 6. 5% on these items.
The table illustrates consumer expenditure on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services in five nations: Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in 2002.

Overall
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on Foods/Drinks/Tobacco account for a part of large, whereas expenditure on leisure and education was the lowest. The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on items of Turkey was higher than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations.

Turkey spent the most on Foods/Drinks/Tobacco about 32%, while the figure for Ireland was
slightly
lower than, close to 29%. By contrast, These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
were consumed
the least in Sweden,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15. 8% of total expenditure. The proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on leisure and education was highest in Turkey with 25%.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the percentage of consumption was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
1. 98%.

Turning to clothing and footwear, Italy spent more than the other countries, about 9%, while the lowest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
was witnessed
in Spain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
5. 4%. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries spent average around 6. 5% on these items.
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IELTS academic consumer expenditure on different goods and services in five nations

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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