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Bar & Pie Chart Men and women attending various evening courses

Bar & Pie Chart Men and women attending various evening courses 2RyeJ
The bar and pie chart provides data of male and female taking different evening courses. Overall, there are more female enrolled in evening courses than male, apart from scripture subject. Whilst 50 years and older have large proportion in attending the evening class approximately two-fifth, although the aged under 20 had the small group entered in the class at around one-twentieth. Female love language subject which they have the largest number of enrollees at 40, as in contrast to male just half of the number. The drama class had 10 male attending the class, as contrast to female double the number. However, sculpture subject had opposite in ratio male had more enrollees than female at 10 and half respectively. While in painting class female had just slight above 5 people in number as compare to male at quarter. According to age proportion, 50 years old or over had a percentage of more less two-fifth, while the under 20 years old had the lowest in ratio at one-twentieth, whereas the age groups between 40-49, 30-39 and 20-29 had the following proportion at about percentage of a quarter, 16% and 11% respectively.
The bar and pie chart provides data of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
evening courses.
Overall
, there are more
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "females"?
female
enrolled in evening courses than male, apart from scripture subject. Whilst 50 years and older have large proportion in attending the evening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
approximately two-fifth, although the aged under 20 had the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
group entered in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
at around one-twentieth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
language subject which they have the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
enrollees
at 40, as
in contrast
to male
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
. The drama
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
had 10 male attending the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, as contrast to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
double the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
.
However
, sculpture subject had opposite in ratio male had more
Possible spelling mistake found.
enrollees
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
at 10 and half
respectively
. While in painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
slight above 5
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
as compare to male at quarter. According to age proportion, 50 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
or over had a percentage of
Use only "less" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more less
two-fifth, while the under 20 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
had the lowest in ratio at one-twentieth, whereas the age groups between 40-49, 30-39 and 20-29 had the following proportion at about percentage of a quarter, 16% and 11%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Bar & Pie Chart Men and women attending various evening courses

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
190 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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