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Comparison pie charts children and adults eating place preferences during 2005 in US.

Comparison pie charts children and adults eating place preferences during 2005 in US. xmxL6
The two pie charts illustrate the location where adults (20+) and children (2-9 years old) consumed food in the year 2005 in the US. Overall, both adults and children ate most food at home. The two charts were split into home, resturant, fast food joints, other away from home and school (only for children). Firstly in regards to adults, highest proportion were eating at home followed by fast food joints. While resturant eaters and proportion eating at other places had more or less the same percentage. Secondly in terms of children's data, they has a similar trend to adults as most of them ate home (67%), followed by fast food joints. However, the least proportion was divided in other away from home and school. The most significant difference was seen between the number of adults and children who ate in resturants as the percentage was two times higher than children.
The two pie charts illustrate the location where
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adults
(20+) and
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children
(2-9 years
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old
) consumed
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food
in the year 2005 in the US.

Overall
, both
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adults
and
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children
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ate
most
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food
at home. The two charts
were split
into home,
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resturant
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joints, other away from home and school (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for children).

Firstly
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
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adults
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
proportion were eating at home followed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joints. While
Possible spelling mistake found.
resturant
eaters and proportion eating at other places had more or less the same percentage.

Secondly
in terms of children's data, they
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has
a similar trend to
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adults
as most of them
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ate
home (67%), followed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joints.
However
, the least proportion
was divided
in other away from home and school.

The most significant difference was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
between the number of
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adults
and
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children
who
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ate
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
resturants
as the percentage was two times higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.

IELTS academic Comparison pie charts children and adults eating place preferences during 2005 in US.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
150 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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