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comparison between the park of 1920 and park of today.

comparison between the park of 1920 and park of today. N3Na2
The picture illustrated shows the development of a public park from 1920 to today. From both the pictures, it is shown that a huge amount of development has been done since today. In the recent public park, the rose garden has taken place at a major area of the park. It can be seen that the developments of this 'Arnold Avenue' were at a peak. The increased number of the center of attractions can attract more people in today's park. In 1920, there was a stage built up for musicians which has been replaced with the biggest theatre which now can be used to make concerts. The entrance is kept still at the same place. Sitting arrangements have been raised for people of old age group. instead of the fountain, water feature is placed as a beauty of this park. The interesting part of the park is, it has an in-built cafe. So that people can enjoy two environments at a time. Looking at the developments, estimation can be true that the number of people visiting the park may rise and the entertainment facilities may bring people's interest towards Grange park.
The picture illustrated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
from 1920 to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. From both the pictures, it
is shown
that a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
has
been done
since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In the recent public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
, the rose garden has taken place at a major area of the park.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
of this 'Arnold Avenue' were at a peak. The increased number of the center of attractions can attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
. In 1920, there was a stage built up for musicians which has
been replaced
with the biggest
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
concerts. The entrance is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
still
at the same place. Sitting arrangements have
been raised
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age group.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
instead
of the fountain, water feature
is placed
as a beauty of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
. The interesting part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
is, it has an in-built
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy two environments at a time.

Looking at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
, estimation can be true that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
may rise and the entertainment facilities may bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's interest towards Grange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
.
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IELTS academic comparison between the park of 1920 and park of today.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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