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comparison between different expenditures

comparison between different expenditures 5a28P
The two pie charts gives information about the housing, food, transport and other goods and service expenditures in two countries (Japan and Malaysia) in 2010. Units are measured in percentage. Overall, it can be seen that while Japanese people spent most in other services and goods, housing was the most preffered expenditure in Malaysia. Both countries spent the least amount of money in helath care. In terms of other services and goods, food and healthcare expenditures, two countries have similar numbers. While other goods and services is 29 in Japan, Malaysian people spent only 26 for this category. Similarly, people in Japan consumed 24 in food, this data is just over the 27 in Malaysia. Lastly, both countries accounted for the least money in health care which are 6 and 3. With regards of the other expenditures, differences between Japan and Malaysia is more evident. Japanese spent 20 on transport, which is two times more than Malaysian people. Likewise, housing in Malaysia represents 34 while people in Japan have 21 which is almost half of the Malaysians.
The two pie charts gives information about the housing, food, transport and
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other
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goods
and
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service
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expenditures
in two
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countries
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(Japan
and Malaysia) in 2010. Units
are measured
in percentage.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that while Japanese
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people
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spent
most in
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other
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services
and
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goods
, housing was the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
preffered
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expenditure
in Malaysia. Both
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countries
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spent
the least amount of money in
Possible spelling mistake found.
helath
care.

In terms of
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other
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services
and
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goods
, food and healthcare
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expenditures
, two
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countries
have similar numbers. While
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other
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goods
and
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services
is 29 in
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Japan
, Malaysian
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people
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spent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
26 for this category.
Similarly
,
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people
in
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Japan
consumed 24 in food, this data is
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just
over the 27 in Malaysia.
Lastly
, both
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countries
accounted for the least money in health care which are 6 and 3.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards of
the
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other
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expenditures
, differences between
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Japan
and Malaysia is more evident. Japanese
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spent
20 on transport, which is two times more than Malaysian
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people
.
Likewise
, housing in Malaysia represents 34 while
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people
in
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Japan
have 21 which is almost half of the Malaysians.
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IELTS academic comparison between different expenditures

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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