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compare the percenteages used to mobile phone

compare the percenteages used to mobile phone K30ER
The table shows the percentages of mobile phone users using different features. It can be seen that the data in the table can be divided into two categories. The rates increased significantly in the first group, comprising users using their phones to play games, search the internet, play music, and record videos. Although in 2006, there is no data of owner searching the internet, the number rose considerably from 41% in 2008 to nearly three quarters in 2010. Similarly, the number of phone users to record video without data in 2006 increased more than fourfold from 9% to over one-third in 2010. Meanwhile, the proportion of people using phones for gaming grew substantially from 17% in 2006 to over 40% in the next four years, compared to the doubling of the phone users to play music (from 12% to 26%). The second group, consisting of people using mobile phone to make calls, take photos, and send & receive text messages, witnessed more minor changes in the percentages of mobile phone owners. For example, all users used the phone to make a call in 2006, this number was almost unchanged until 2010, while the rates of owners using their phones to take photos and send & receive messages in the same period rose slightly from 66% to 76% and 73% to 79%, respectively.
The table
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shows
the percentages of mobile
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phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
features. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the data in the table can
be divided
into two categories.

The rates increased
significantly
in the
first
group, comprising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to play games, search the internet, play music, and record videos. Although in 2006, there is no data of owner searching the internet, the number rose
considerably
from 41% in 2008 to
nearly
three quarters in 2010.
Similarly
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
to record video without data in 2006 increased more than fourfold from 9% to over one-third in 2010. Meanwhile, the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for gaming grew
substantially
from 17% in 2006 to over 40% in the
next
four years, compared to the doubling of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
to play music (from 12% to 26%).

The second group, consisting of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using mobile
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phone
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
calls, take photos, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
& receive text messages, witnessed more minor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the percentages of mobile
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phone
owners.
For example
, all
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users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a call in 2006, this number was almost unchanged until 2010, while the rates of owners using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to take photos and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
& receive messages in the same period rose
slightly
from 66% to 76% and 73% to 79%,
respectively
.
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IELTS academic compare the percenteages used to mobile phone

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
222 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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