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compare subjects for boys and girls give your views

compare subjects for boys and girls give your views GM3Aw
The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of boys and girls getting high marks in various streams in the year 1960 and 2000. Data is claibrated in percentage. Overall, At the beginning of the period, boys scored more marks in science and less grades in Arts. But, girls performed very well in Languages and less perfomaed in maths. However, at the end of the period, boys scored top grades in humanities and girls again performed good in Languages. In the year 1960, The number of boys who scored good marks in science was three times that of girls. But, after 50 years boys and girls percentage dropped to just below 20% and 10% respectively. in 1960, 30% boys got top grades in maths but its percentage droped to 15% in the year 2000. However, girls percentage remained same(5%) in both the years. In both the years, Girls performaed very well in arts and Language subject, when compared with boys. But, in language subject their proportion dropped from 45% to 30% after 40 years. It is interesting to note that, in the year 1960, more girls scored highest marks in humanity but at the end, 45% boys scored top grades in humanity.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the proportion of
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boys
and
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girls
getting high
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marks
in various streams in the
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year
1960 and 2000. Data is
Possible spelling mistake found.
claibrated
in percentage.

Overall
, At the beginning of the period,
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boys
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scored
more
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marks
in science and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun grades is countable.
less
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grades
in Arts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
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girls
performed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well in Languages and less
Possible spelling mistake found.
perfomaed
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
.
However
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period,
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boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scored
top
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grades
in humanities and
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girls
again performed
Use "good at" to mean "skilled" with school subjects. Try this: "good at Languages".
good in Languages
.

In the
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year
1960, The number of
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boys
who
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scored
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
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marks
in science was three times that of
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girls
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, after 50 years
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boys
and
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girls
percentage dropped to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 20% and 10%
respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
1960, 30%
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boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
top
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grades
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its percentage
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "dropped", the past tense form of the verb 'drop'?
droped
to 15% in the
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year
2000.
However
,
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girls
percentage remained same(5%) in both the years.

In both the years,
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Girls
Possible spelling mistake found.
performaed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well in arts and Language subject, when compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in language subject their proportion dropped from 45% to 30% after 40 years.

It is interesting to note that, in the
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year
1960, more
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girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scored
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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marks
in humanity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, 45%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scored
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
in humanity.
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IELTS academic compare subjects for boys and girls give your views

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
201 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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