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Cinema visits for all age of groups

Cinema visits for all age of groups b2MGl
Cinema visits for all age of groups The line chart illustrates the people who visit the cinema according to their age group. However, the table shows the attendance and frequency of visiting this cinema during a period of 5 years. Overall, it is clearly observed from the table that the number of people who attended this cinema increased during these years. It is worth mentioning that this cinema was popular among people who were 14-24 years old. In 1994, the figure for groups 14-24 years old stood at 12, while that of 25-34 years old was lower at 10. From this year until 2002, these figures decreased to approximately 10 and 8, respectively. Between 1994 and 1996, the number of people who were over 50 years old grew gradually by nearly 4, after which it declined to 5 in 1998. Also there was a rapid growth to 8 ( in 2002). Moreover, between 1994 and 1996, there was a steady rise of 5% in attendance followed by a fluctuation around 70% in the subsequent years. The frequency was 10. 7 in 1994, increasing to 11. 3 in 1996. This number remained constant at approximately 8. 3 from 1998 onwards.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinema
visits for all age of groups

The line chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
according to their age group.
However
, the table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the attendance and frequency of visiting this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
during a period of 5 years.

Overall
, it is
clearly
observed from the table that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
attended this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
increased during these years. It is worth mentioning that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
was popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were 14-24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

In 1994, the figure for groups 14-24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
stood at 12, while that of 25-34 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
was lower at 10. From this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
until 2002, these figures decreased to approximately 10 and 8,
respectively
. Between 1994 and 1996, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were over 50 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
grew
gradually
by
nearly
4, after which it declined to 5 in 1998.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there was a rapid growth to 8
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
in 2002).

Moreover
, between 1994 and 1996, there was a steady rise of 5% in attendance followed by a fluctuation around 70% in the subsequent years. The frequency was 10. 7 in 1994, increasing to 11. 3 in 1996. This number remained constant at approximately 8. 3 from 1998 onwards.

IELTS academic Cinema visits for all age of groups

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
199 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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