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charts of numbers of participants in olympics

charts of numbers of participants in olympics kWldM
The bar chart illustrates number of participants, specifying their genders, who were taking apart during Olympics. the line chart is merely showing number of participants in Olympics during '1924' to '2012'. According to bar chart information, always number of men has been dramatically more than women, but also it's diversity is getting rapidly lower during the years as we can see that dispute of genders in '1924' is about more than '2500', but in '2012', it's about a few more than '1000'. Fortunately number of participants of Olympics are rising modestly during the years based on line graph. It's become evident that participant's quantity has being risen more than '2000' between '1984' to '2012' which is pretty much more than increase level in another points of graph. In summery, both graphs illustrate that number of participants has been risen during the years and this ascending order soars in women columns however men are taking apart in a steadily rising pattern.
The bar chart illustrates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
, specifying their genders, who were taking apart during Olympics.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
line chart is
merely
showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
in Olympics during '1924' to '2012'.

According to bar chart information, always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
has been
dramatically
more than women,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it's diversity is getting
rapidly
lower during the years as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that dispute of genders in '1924' is about more than '2500',
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in '2012', it's about a few more than '1000'.

Fortunately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
of Olympics are rising
modestly
during the years based on line graph. It's become evident that participant's quantity has
being risen
more than '2000' between '1984' to '2012' which is pretty much more than increase level in another points of graph.

In summery, both graphs illustrate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
has
been risen
during the years and this ascending order soars in women columns
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are taking apart in a
steadily
rising pattern.
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IELTS academic charts of numbers of participants in olympics

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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