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Chart below shows the percentage of graduates worked in different employment sectors from brington University in 2019 summarise the information

Chart below shows the percentage of graduates worked in different employment sectors from brington University in 2019 RR8DM
The given pie chart illustrates the percentage of degree holder working in various fields from Lincoln university in 2019. Overwhelmingly, industries and government were the most popular choices as compare to others. To begin with the students went into industries in which service industry attracted 33. 0 % employers while manufacturing industry have 16. 3 working students. Moreover, 14. 7 % of people who take academic degree choose to work in an education field which was 3% more than politics and government. The ratio of people working in politics and government is 12. 1 %. Further moving, proportion of trainee employed themselves in transportation and warehouse was 7. 8 % and of science and technology is 7. 3%. The other significant career choices were sports and charity which was the least popular choices having only 0. 1 % and 0. 3 % students respectively. Finally, 2. 8% entered work in other unspecified sectors.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart illustrates the percentage of degree holder working in various fields from Lincoln university in 2019.

Overwhelmingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
were the most popular choices as compare to others.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the students went into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
in which service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
attracted 33. 0 % employers while manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
have 16. 3 working students.
Moreover
, 14. 7 % of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who take academic degree choose to work in an education field which was 3% more than politics and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. The ratio of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in politics and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is 12. 1 %.

Further
moving, proportion of trainee employed themselves in transportation and warehouse was 7. 8 % and of science and technology is 7. 3%. The other significant career choices were sports and charity which was the least popular choices having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 1 % and 0. 3 % students
respectively
.
Finally
, 2. 8% entered work in other unspecified sectors.
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IELTS academic Chart below shows the percentage of graduates worked in different employment sectors from brington University in 2019

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
153 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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