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British people giving money to charity by age range

British people giving money to charity by age range WEo6K
The bar chart illustrates the information of donation contributions by British people of different ages to charity in two different years (1990 and 2010). Units are measured in percentage. Overall, it can be seen that a greater proportion of British people gave money to charity in 1990 than in 2010. This graph shows that, the elder people donated more money compared to the elder people. In 1990, around 42% of the 35 to 50 age group people given their donations to charity.
The bar chart illustrates the information of donation contributions by British
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people
of
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different
ages to charity in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years (1990 and 2010). Units
are measured
in percentage.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a greater proportion of British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gave money to charity in 1990 than in 2010. This graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, the elder
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people
donated more money compared to the elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In 1990, around 42% of the 35 to 50 age group
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their donations to charity.
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IELTS academic British people giving money to charity by age range

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
82 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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