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Beverage preferences of high school students in China

Beverage preferences of high school students in China pLqo2
The pie chart above illustrates some beverages that high school students in China prefer. In general, they prefer soda the most as it makes up 30% of the whole chart. Then, fruit juice is the second most popular drink which represents 26% of teenagers' preferences. And mineral water is the third most favored drink as it represents 24% of the total chart. Whereas, coffee and tea are lots less favored with high school students in China. Coffee provides approximately 9% of teenagers' preferences and tea is just below 7%. Lastly, the least popular beverage with high school students in China is actually milk which is accounts for the smallest proportion of the beverage - 4%.
The pie chart above illustrates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beverages that high school students in China prefer.
In general
, they prefer soda the most as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
up 30% of the whole chart. Then, fruit juice is the second most popular drink which represents 26% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
' preferences. And mineral water is the third most favored drink as it represents 24% of the total chart. Whereas, coffee and tea are lots less favored with high school students in China. Coffee provides approximately 9% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
' preferences and tea is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 7%.
Lastly
, the least popular beverage with high school students in China is actually milk which is accounts for the smallest proportion of the beverage
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
4%.
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IELTS academic Beverage preferences of high school students in China

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
115 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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