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benefit and harmful of using computer for leisure activities

benefit and harmful of using computer for leisure activities d3gPK
In the current society, computer and mobile phone plays an important part in our life, and the question is “using computer in your free time is good or bad? ’’ Well, first and foremost, we cannot deny that computer not only brings us lots of information but also it is truly convenient. By the internet, everybody can learn many interesting knowledge more quickly from over the world. For example, students can easy doing their homework by searching on google or asking for their friends on computer or mobile phones. Moreover, you feel relax by reading many fascinating books online with a lot of kinds if you can’t buy a book or listening to music after a busy day, it can help you not to get stressed or feel tired. However, computer and mobile phones can be really dangerous and addictive. Today, you can easily see too many younger people are addicted to the social media that computer brings and become lazier and more irresponsible. All things they do is just sitting at the table and chatting with their friends, it can affect a lot to their health and their education, so anyway, it isn’t really good for them. To conclusion, you can learn a lot of enjoyable things by using computer and mobile phones for leisure activities in a good way
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society, computer and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in our life, and the question is “using computer in your free time is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
? ’’ Well,
first
and foremost, we cannot deny that computer not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is
truly
convenient. By the internet, everybody can learn
Possible agreement error. The noun knowledge seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much interesting knowledge", "a good deal of interesting knowledge".
many interesting knowledge
more
quickly
from over the world.
For example
, students can easy doing their homework by searching on google or asking for their friends on computer or mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
Moreover
, you feel relax by reading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fascinating books online with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of kinds if you can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a book or listening to music after a busy day, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
or feel tired.
However
, computer and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and addictive.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, you can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are addicted
to the social media that computer brings and become lazier and more irresponsible. All things they do is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting at the table and chatting with their friends, it can affect a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
to their health and their education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
anyway, it isn’t
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them. To conclusion, you can learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of enjoyable things by using computer and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for leisure activities in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
way
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IELTS academic benefit and harmful of using computer for leisure activities

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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