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Bar graph showing participation of students in three different sports

Bar graph showing participation of students in three different sports B7dEd
The bar graph indicates the percentage of students involved in three distinct sports, such as soccer, cricket and basketball,  which was obsereved in class 8th, 9th and 10th respectively. Overall, the data indicates that cricket has the most participants in all the three classes, compared to other sports. Furthermore,  scoccer was the 2nd most loved sport by the students. However, pupils' turnout towards basketball stayed unsubstantial in all the three grades. The trend presented in the graph shows that cricket is the most loved sport among the pupils' in all three grades. Furthermore, according to the turnout data shown by the students, cricket has the highest share of 55% of participants in class 8th, 45% and 40% of participation were shown by students in classes 9th and 10th respectively. However, soccer being the 2nd most intrested sport among the pupils' in all the three classes, 32% of turnout in class 10th and  lowest turnout of 25% in class 8th. Lastly, pupils' least preferred sport among three classes is basketball with just 20% of particapation in class 8th and highest among the classes were in 10th of about 28%.   The students across the grades display dynamic inspiration for sports.
The bar graph indicates the percentage of
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students
involved in three distinct sports, such as soccer, cricket and basketball,
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which was
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obsereved
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
8th, 9th and 10th
respectively
.

Overall
, the data indicates that cricket has the most participants in all the three
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classes
, compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Furthermore
,
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Possible spelling mistake found.
scoccer
was the 2nd most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
by the
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students
.
However
,
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pupils'
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turnout
towards basketball stayed unsubstantial in all the three grades.

The trend presented in the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that cricket is the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils'
in all three grades.
Furthermore
, according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
turnout
data shown by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, cricket has the highest share of 55% of participants in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
8th, 45% and 40% of participation
were shown
by
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students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
9th and 10th
respectively
.
However
, soccer being the 2nd most
Possible spelling mistake found.
intrested
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sport
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils'
in all the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, 32% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
turnout
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
10th and
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lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
turnout
of 25% in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
8th.

Lastly
,
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pupils'
least preferred sport among three
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classes
is basketball with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
20% of
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particapation
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
8th and highest among the
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classes
were in 10th of about 28%.
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The
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students
across the grades display dynamic inspiration for sports.
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IELTS academic Bar graph showing participation of students in three different sports

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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