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Bar graph represent the data about club joined by people of two difference age group

Bar graph represent the data about club joined by people of two difference age group B7l39
The bar graph makes a comparison of the popularity of six clubs between two adults aged at a leisure center in a small city, number of members. In general, people 25-35 years of age are more interested in club activities than elders, with the cycling club having the highest number of those ages, while the age 55-65 age group is interested in gardening among the other activities. The composition of fitness and music/dance clubs are slightly fewer older participants, with the former being less than 5 and 3 for the latter. However, in the photography club, the people 25-35 years of age tie with that for 55-65 at 45. The arts and crafts club has 60 young members compared to only 20 from people with age over 55. Similarly, in the cycling club, the age group of 25-35 is dramatically interested, approximately 65, in turn, only 10 older members
The bar graph
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makes
a comparison of the popularity of six
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clubs
between two adults aged at a leisure center in a
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small
city, number of members.
In general
,
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people
25-35 years of
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age
are more interested in
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club
activities than elders, with the cycling
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club
having the highest number of those
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ages
, while the
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age
55-65
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age
group
is interested
in gardening among the other activities.

The composition of fitness and music/dance
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clubs
are
slightly
fewer older participants, with the former being less than 5 and 3 for the latter.
However
, in the photography
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club
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
25-35 years of
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age
tie with that for 55-65 at 45.

The arts and crafts
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club
has 60 young members compared to
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only
20 from
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people
with
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age
over 55.
Similarly
, in the cycling
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club
, the
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age
group of 25-35 is
dramatically
interested, approximately 65, in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 older members
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IELTS academic Bar graph represent the data about club joined by people of two difference age group

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
148 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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