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BAR GRAPH FOR 2 GENRES OF TV PROGRAMMES

BAR GRAPH FOR 2 GENRES OF TV PROGRAMMES l7MrD
The graphs given above exemplify the percentage of people watching different genres of TV programes: reality shows and game shows. The graph is broadly classified as per sex and various age groups. There are as many as 4 types of age groups: 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+. If the initial is graph is carefully analyzed then it becomes clear that reality shows are extremely popular among females while only a handful of males seem to enjoy the reality shows; whereas, for the 2nd bar graph that depicts game shows, it seems that these shows enjoy equal popularity among males and females. Approximately 60% of both male and female watch game shows. According to the age based graphs, if the first graph is considered then around 50% of people in the age group of 16-24 watch reality shows and the percentage increases by around 10% for the age group of 25-34 than that of the earlier age group. The proportion however remains nearly constant for age groups of 35-44 and 45+. It can be understood from the subsequent graph that 50% of the younger population enjoys watching game shows and that it is least renowned among the age groups of 25-34 and 35-44. On the other hand, game shows are very much admired among the citizens above the age of 45. Overall, it can be surmised that both the genres are widely approved by women and almost same percentage of women watch both the shows. It seems that equal number of youths and elderly enjoy watching both games and reality shows.
The
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graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above exemplify the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
genres of TV
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "programs", the plural form of the noun 'program'?
programes
:
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reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
. The
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graph
is
broadly
classified as per sex and various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. There are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as 4 types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
: 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+.

If the initial is
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graph
is
carefully
analyzed then it becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are
extremely
popular among females while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a handful of males
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "seems"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'seem' is not always incorrect.)
seem
to
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enjoy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
; whereas, for the 2nd bar
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graph
that depicts game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
, it seems that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
equal popularity among males and females. Approximately 60% of both male and female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

According to the
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age
based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graphs
, if the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
is considered
then around 50% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 16-24
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and the percentage increases by around 10% for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 25-34 than that of the earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. The proportion
however
remains
nearly
constant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of 35-44 and 45+.

It can
be understood
from the subsequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
that 50% of the younger population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoys
watching game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and that it is least renowned among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of 25-34 and 35-44.
On the other hand
, game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much admired among the citizens above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 45.

Overall
, it can
be surmised
that both the genres are
widely
approved by women and almost same percentage of women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
. It seems that equal number of youths and elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
watching both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
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IELTS academic BAR GRAPH FOR 2 GENRES OF TV PROGRAMMES

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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