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Bar Charts of Computer Ownership and Education Level from 2002 to 2010

Bar Charts of Computer Ownership and Education Level from 2002 to 2010 aqekd
The two bar charts show people who own a computer from 2002 to 2010 education level on the demographic aspect for the years of 2002 and 2010. In the first chart of people who own a computer, 5% growth happens from 2002 to 2010 every 2-year. Starting with around 55% of computer ownership in 2002, by 2010, we can see that almost 80% of the population own a computer. Although there is no data on the odd years between 2002 and 2010, an assumption of growth is still happening on a year-on-year basis. The same case applies to the second graph with the correlation of level of education. Based on chart, a gap of around 15-20% difference happens from people who do not have high school diploma until started a college, yet unable to finish it. However, the increase among people who did not finish a college to earn they bachelor's degree and gain postgraduate qualification is not as signifcant compared to previous education levels. The graph also shows that the percentage contribution between each education level is similar in the 2002 and 2010, where postgraduate qualification has the highest percentage. In conclusion, people who finished their postgraduate qualification is the key driver for an increase of computer ownership in the year of 2002 and 2010, with limited information in 2004 to 2008.
The two bar charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a computer from 2002 to 2010
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education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
on the demographic aspect for the years of 2002 and 2010.

In the
first
chart of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a computer, 5% growth happens from 2002 to 2010 every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
2-year
. Starting with around 55% of computer ownership in 2002, by 2010, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that almost 80% of the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a computer. Although there is no data on the odd years between 2002 and 2010, an assumption of growth is
still
happening on a year-on-year basis.

The same case
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
the second graph with the correlation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Based on chart, a gap of around 15-20% difference happens from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have high school diploma until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a college,
yet
unable to finish it.
However
, the increase among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not finish a college to earn they bachelor's degree and gain postgraduate qualification is not as
Possible spelling mistake found.
signifcant
compared to previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
. The graph
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the percentage contribution between each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
is similar in the 2002 and 2010, where postgraduate qualification has the highest percentage.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
finished their postgraduate qualification is the key driver for an increase of computer ownership in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 2002 and 2010, with limited information in 2004 to 2008.
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IELTS academic Bar Charts of Computer Ownership and Education Level from 2002 to 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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