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Bar chart summary and comparison of main features

Bar chart summary and comparison of main features W8MWq
The given bar chart provides the number of times three different computer packages were downloaded from the internet over five weeks. The X axis of the chart represents the download events and Y axis corresponds to the weeks. There are three computer packages are considered and displayed on the chart using three different colors. First one among them is ActiveX which is shown in blue color. Java is the second package and shown in purple color and the last one is Net that is appearing on the chart in red. From the first look itself in the chart, it clearly understandable that ActiveX is the most downloaded package. Throughout the 5 weeks ActiveX was downloaded more than 500 thousand times. Coming to the second most downloaded package, that is the purple-colored bar represents Java, downloaded around 300 thousand times. Net is the least downloaded package with a download count of less than 200 thousand. In week 5 the total number of downloads was the highest including all three packages whereas week 1 stands as the lowest in total downloads. On an average week 2, 3 and 4 were similar in the total downloads as well as the individual package downloads. By inferring the above-mentioned statistics, it clearly evident that ActiveX is the most demanded software package in computing industry, and it is predominantly used. Second most package, Java is consistently increasing popularity week by week as the number of downloads grows in a linear manner. However, Net is more of a randomly used package and the download count is scattered across the weeks.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar
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chart
provides the number of times three
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different
computer
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packages
were
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downloaded
from the internet over five
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weeks
. The X axis of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
represents the
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download
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events
and Y axis corresponds to the
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weeks
. There are three computer
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packages
are considered
and displayed on the
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chart
using three
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different
colors.

First
one among them is ActiveX which
is shown
in blue color. Java is the second
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package
and shown in purple color and the last one is Net that
The verb 'appearing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is appearing
on the
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chart
in red. From the
first
look itself in the
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chart
, it
clearly
understandable that ActiveX is the most
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downloaded
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package
. Throughout the 5
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weeks
ActiveX was
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downloaded
more than 500 thousand times. Coming to the second most
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downloaded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
package
,
that is
the purple-colored bar represents Java,
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downloaded
around 300 thousand times. Net is the least
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downloaded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
package
with a
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download
count of less than 200 thousand.

In
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week
5 the total number of
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downloads
was the highest including all three
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packages
whereas
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week
1 stands as the lowest in total
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downloads
. On an average
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week
2, 3 and 4 were similar in the total
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downloads
as well
as the individual
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package
downloads.

By inferring the above-mentioned statistics, it
clearly
evident that ActiveX is the most demanded software
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package
in computing industry, and it is
predominantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. Second most
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package
, Java is
consistently
increasing popularity
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week
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
as the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
grows
Consider replacing "in a linear manner" with the adverb for "linear"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a linear manner
.
However
, Net is more of a
randomly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
package
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
download
count
is scattered
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
.
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IELTS academic Bar chart summary and comparison of main features

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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