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bar chart shows Surgical and Medical Patients by age in Royal Hospital , 2005 .

bar chart shows Surgical and Medical Patients by age in Royal Hospital, 2005. bbjgW
The bar chart illustrates the percentages of surgical and medical patients with their ages in Royal Hospital in 2005. Overall, all ages have the largest percent of surgical. However, the percent of medical patients are the lowest in 2005. In terms of people around 18-24 years, the percentage of surgical above 50% than medical more than 10%. In comparison, people between 25-34 years were more surgical then medical (higher than 40% and approximately 15% respectively ). Similarly, the surgical patients from 35 to 44 years(less than 30%) were more higher than medical patients (under 20%). Also, for patients from 45 years and older, the surgical were higher than medical patients by approximately 17%.
The bar chart illustrates the percentages of surgical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
with their ages in Royal Hospital in 2005.
Overall
, all ages have the largest percent of surgical.
However
, the percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
are the lowest in 2005. In terms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around 18-24 years, the percentage of surgical above 50% than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
more than 10%.
In comparison
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
between 25-34 years were more surgical
Did you mean "than"?
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
(higher than 40% and approximately 15%
respectively
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
.
Similarly
, the surgical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
from 35 to 44 years(less than 30%) were
Use only "higher" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more higher
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
(under 20%).
Also
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
from 45 years and older, the surgical were higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
by approximately 17%.

IELTS academic bar chart shows Surgical and Medical Patients by age in Royal Hospital, 2005.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
113 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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