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Camparsion the values of pie chart employment sectors

Camparsion the values of pie chart employment sectors NmqN0
The pie chart summarised the information of the proportion of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors. Overall, the main features of this report was of 2019, the service industries had highest performance in employment sectors. However, the charity and sports had lowest performance in employment sectors. It was clearly seen that in 2019, the highest performance in employment sectors were service industries which was 33% followed by the manufacturing industry which was 16. 3%. On the other hand, the same proportion of the two sectors were transportation and warehousing and science and technology which was minor difference 0. 5%. At least, the education employment sectors percentile was 14. 7% whereas politics and government which was 12. 1%In addition, the civil service sector was 5. 6% followed by the other sector which was 2. 8%. On the other hand, charity and sport sectors had shown the same percentile which was 0. 2% negligibile difference
The pie chart
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarised' is British English.
summarised
the information of the proportion of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
.
Overall
, the main features of this report was of 2019, the service industries had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
.
However
, the charity and sports had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
. It was
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in 2019, the highest performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
were service industries which was 33% followed by the manufacturing industry which was 16. 3%.
On the other hand
, the same proportion of the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
were transportation and warehousing and science and technology which was minor difference 0. 5%. At least, the education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
percentile was 14. 7% whereas politics and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
which was 12. 1%
In addition
, the civil service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
was 5. 6% followed by the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
which was 2. 8%.
On the other hand
, charity and sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
had shown the same percentile which was 0. 2%
Possible spelling mistake found.
negligibile
difference
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IELTS academic Camparsion the values of pie chart employment sectors

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
156 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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