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Bar chart shows percentage of male and female having regular physical activity

Bar chart shows percentage of male and female having regular physical activity 9wN9r
The bar chart depict the information of regular physical activity of both men and women of different age groups with above 15 years as a percentage in Australia in the year 2010. Overall, Women has more physical activity than men in all age groups except for the age group 15 to 24 where male dominates with 52. 8%. Also the for the group with age 65 and above women are slightly above male with 0. 4% more. From the data, Men with age between 15 and 24 has highest percentage of about 52. 8%, followed by 46. 7% lying in the age group above 65, succeeded by group having age between 55 and 64 contributes 45. 1%. The lowest being recorded at 39. 5% for the ages 35 to 44. With regard to Women, top percentage 53. 3 contribution is recorded for the ages between 45 to 54, next in line was 53% for the age groups 55 to 64 and women having age more than 35 and less than 45 has third highest percentage of 52. 5. The least percentage 47. 1 was observed for women having 65 and above years.
The bar chart depict the information of regular physical activity of both
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men
and
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women
of
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different
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age
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groups
with
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above
15 years as a
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percentage
in Australia in the year 2010.

Overall
,
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Women
has more physical activity than
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men
in all
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age
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groups
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except for
the
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age
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group
15 to 24 where male dominates with 52. 8%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the for the
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group
with
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age
65 and
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above
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women
are
slightly
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above
male with 0. 4% more.

From the data,
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Men
with
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age
between 15 and 24 has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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percentage
of about 52. 8%, followed by 46. 7% lying in the
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age
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group
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above
65, succeeded by
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group
having
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age
between 55 and 64 contributes 45. 1%. The lowest
being recorded
at 39. 5% for the
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ages
35 to 44.

With regard to
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Women
, top
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percentage
53. 3 contribution
is recorded
for the
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ages
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 45 and 54".
between 45 to 54
,
next
in line was 53% for the
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age
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groups
55 to 64 and
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women
having
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age
more than 35 and less than 45 has third highest
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percentage
of 52. 5. The least
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percentage
47. 1
was observed
for
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women
having 65 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
years.
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IELTS academic Bar chart shows percentage of male and female having regular physical activity

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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