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bar chart on digital games sales

bar chart on digital games sales eeyNA
The bar chart illustrates worldwide purchases of various types of digital games for a period of six years from 2000 to 2006. Units are measured in billion dollars. The majority of sales in all these years was occupied by handheld games with a constant increase. Overall a significant rise can be seen in online games and mobile phone games while there was a drop in sales of console games. In the first year the total sales were distributed only between handheld games (about $11 bn) and console games (about $6 bn). With the advent of internet, by next year online games entered the market with around half a billion dollars. Meanwhile, sales of mobile phone games increased by 2002 and reached around $1 bn along with online games. The figures kept increasing in later years for these two types at a rate of about one and a half billion dollars for mobile phone games and two billion dollars for online games while console games saw a steady downfall with a rate of about half a billion dollars per year. In 2006 the figure stood at almost $18 bn for handheld games grabbing the largest proportion of the market whereas other types were all below $9 bn.
The bar chart illustrates worldwide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
of various types of digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for a period of six years from 2000 to 2006. Units
are measured
in
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
dollars.

The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in all these years
was occupied
by handheld
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with a constant increase.
Overall
a significant rise can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and mobile phone
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games
while there was a drop in
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sales
of console games.

In the
first
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year
the total
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sales
were distributed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
between handheld
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games
(about $11
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
) and console
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games
(about $6
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
). With the advent of internet, by
next
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year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
entered the market with around half a
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
. Meanwhile,
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sales
of mobile phone
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games
increased by 2002 and reached around $1
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
along with
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online
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games
. The figures
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kept
increasing in later years for these two types at a rate of about one and a half
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billion
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dollars
for mobile phone
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games
and two
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
while console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a steady downfall with a rate of about half a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. In 2006 the figure stood at almost $18
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
for handheld
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games
grabbing the largest proportion of the market whereas other types were all below $9
Possible spelling mistake found.
bn
.
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IELTS academic bar chart on digital games sales

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
206 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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