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the proportion of income that children spent on 4 common items in uk 2014

the proportion of income that children spent on 4 common items in uk 2014 0nNdG
The given table illustrates information about the proportion of the earnings of people on food, electronic equipment, music and videos in UK for the year 1998. Overall, it can be evident that the people spent their highest amount of income on the category with food and music whereas videos and electronic equipment were unpopular among all. In the most significant feature of the chart, adults disburse most of their amount of income on food, which accounted for a quarter, and spent very minimum on videos. However, the percentage of money utilized by children in terms of food and music was about 10% and 39% respectively. With regards to the women, they spent the highest amount of income on food just slightly below the two fifth and least on electronic equipment. In stark contrast, the percentile of income spent by men was the highest among food and accounted for 14%, they spent lowest on videos about 1%. On the other hand, the boys and girls spent the maximum money of music which made up 38% and 40%. Furthermore, boys are least interested in spending their income on music while girls on electronic equipment.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table illustrates information about the proportion of the earnings of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
equipment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
in UK for the year 1998.

Overall
, it can be evident that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their highest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
on the category with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
equipment were unpopular among all.

In the most significant feature of the chart, adults disburse most of their amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which accounted for a quarter, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minimum on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
.
However
, the percentage of money utilized by children in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was about 10% and 39%
respectively
.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the women, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
the highest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
slightly
below the two fifth and least on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
equipment.

In stark contrast, the percentile of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
was the highest among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and accounted for 14%, they
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spent
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
about 1%.
On the other hand
, the boys and girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
the maximum money of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which made up 38% and 40%.
Furthermore
, boys are least interested in spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while girls on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
equipment.
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IELTS academic the proportion of income that children spent on 4 common items in uk 2014

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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