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bar chart of of transport preferred among young people

bar chart of of transport preferred among young people d5JjX
The bar chart illustrated the mode of transport preferred among young people who live in UK, UAS, Germany and France. Car is the most of the preferred transport mode among countries except Germany and bicycle is the most preferential mode to transport in Germany. Even though the least preferred transport mode is in USA is bicycle, the rest of countries the least preferential transport method is motorcycle. In Great Britain, the number of young people who used bicycle as a transport method is exactly half of the young people who used cars as a transport method. Also, in USA young people who used motorcycle as transport method is exactly half of the people who used car as a transport method. In Germany there is only less than 5% (approximately) different between cars and motorcycle used as a preferred transportation mode. In France, there is a significant different around 50% in preferential transport mode used as car and the other transportation modes that is motorcycle and bicycle.
The bar chart illustrated the
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mode
of
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transport
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preferred
among
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young
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people
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in UK, UAS, Germany and France.
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Car
is the most of the
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preferred
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transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
among countries except Germany and
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bicycle
is the most preferential
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mode
to
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transport
in Germany.
Even though
the least
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preferred
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transport
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mode
is
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in USA
is
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bicycle
, the rest of countries the least preferential
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transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
is motorcycle.

In Great Britain, the number of
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young
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people
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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bicycle
as a
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transport
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method
is exactly half of the
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young
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
as a
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transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
.
Also
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
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young
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people
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
motorcycle as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
is exactly half of the
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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car
as a
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transport
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method
. In Germany there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
less than 5% (approximately)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and motorcycle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preferred
transportation mode.

In France, there is a significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
around 50% in preferential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and the other transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modes
that is
motorcycle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
.
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IELTS academic bar chart of of transport preferred among young people

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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