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bar chart of 4 different groups

bar chart of 4 different groups KVMow
The bar chart compares four different age groups in term of the percentage of total Internet users in Taiwan over 3 years. From an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that over the given period, adults between 16 and 50 made up the majority of Internet users in Taiwan. However, their share saw a gradual decline as more children and older people used the Internet. Taking a closer look at the bar chart, we can see that in 1998, young adults who were between 16 and 30 years of age made up the biggest group of Internet users in Taiwan, at 53%, followed by middle-aged people who were 31-50 years old, accounting for 41%. Over the next two years, the figures for these two age groups decreased gradually, reaching new lows of 44% and 37%, respectively. However, reverse patterns can be seen as regards the percentage of Internet users in Taiwan who were children and the elderly. By contrast, the two remaining age groups experienced reverse patterns. Specifically, at the beginning of the period shown, merely 2% and 4%. Less than 15 16-30 years 31 to 50 years 50 or more of total Internet users in Taiwan were children and the elderly, correspondingly. Nevertheless, by 1999, the figures for these two age groups had increased fourfold and twofold before witnessing a slight rise of 1% and 2% at the end of the given period
The bar chart compares four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups in term of the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
percentage
of total Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in Taiwan over 3 years. From an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that over the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
given


period, adults between 16 and 50 made up the majority of Internet

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users
in Taiwan.
However
, their share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a gradual decline as more

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children
and older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the Internet.

Taking a closer look at the bar chart, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that in 1998, young

adults who were between 16 and 30 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
made up the biggest

group of Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in Taiwan, at 53%, followed by middle-aged

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
who were 31-50 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, accounting for 41%.

Over the
next
two years, the figures for these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups decreased
gradually
, reaching new lows of 44% and 37%,
respectively
.

However
, reverse patterns can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as regards the percentage of

Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in Taiwan who were children and the elderly.

By contrast, the two remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups experienced reverse

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
patterns
.

Specifically
, at the beginning of the period shown,
merely
2% and 4%. Less than 15 16-30 years 31 to 50 years 50 or more of total Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in Taiwan were children and the elderly,
correspondingly
.
Nevertheless
, by 1999, the figures for these two age

groups had increased fourfold and twofold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
witnessing a

slight rise of 1% and 2% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period
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IELTS academic bar chart of 4 different groups

Academic
  American English
17 paragraphs
233 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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