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bar chart men and women age

bar chart men and women age OlokM
The figures of the mean life expectancy or an average age of life are compared for male and female in 6 different nations namely: Afghanistan, Burkina, China, India, Australia and United state of America. Overall, it can be clearly seen that the women's life expectancies are sightly higher than the man all over the period of time in all country. Beginning with the country where people have the highest mean age, Australia, the boy are 74 which is less than girl by 6 years. Almost similary to USA which is 7 different between men and women, is 72 and 79 respectively. Next, China, the figure is 71 for girl and 68 for boy. Moving on to the remaining 3, India has almost exactly the same between boy and girl around 55 followed by Burkina which has 45 and 49 while in Afghanistan which has 41 and 42 in men and women respectively.
The figures of the mean life expectancy or an average age of life
are compared
for male and female in 6
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations
namely
: Afghanistan,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Burkina
, China, India, Australia and United state of America.
Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the women's life expectancies are
sightly
higher than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
all over the period of time in all country.

Beginning with the country where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the highest mean age, Australia, the boy are 74 which is less than girl by 6 years. Almost
Possible spelling mistake found.
similary
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the USA".
to USA
which is 7
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women, is 72 and 79
respectively
.
Next
, China, the figure is 71 for girl and 68 for boy. Moving on to the remaining 3, India has almost exactly the same between boy and girl around 55 followed by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Burkina
which has 45 and 49 while in Afghanistan which has 41 and 42 in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
respectively
.
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IELTS academic bar chart men and women age

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
152 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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