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Unemployment rate of urban and rural in Australia in 2012

Unemployment rate of urban and rural in Australia in 2012 wa3OE
The line graph illustrates the Unemployement rate in Australia in rural and urban areas in the year 2012. Overall, In the first quarter, the urban areas experienced an upward trend and when it acquired a platform of 4% then it gradually goes down. while rural areas experienced in an opposite manner where it starts decreasing from the first quarter. At the beginning of the first quarter, urban areas in Australia experienced an upward trend starts from 2% to 4%, and later it showed some bad experience decreasing in the second quarter from 4% to 2%, however again in the next two quarters, it gradually goes upward from 2% to almost 5%. Rural areas stated some bad experience of the downward trend in the beginning of 2012, which start declining in the first and second quarter from 7% to 4. 5%. However, at the end of second-quarter, it showed some good trends of increasing from 4. 5% to almost 6% and for rest of the year, it continued showing gradually increasing trend.
The line graph illustrates the
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Unemployement
rate in Australia in rural and urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in the year 2012.

Overall
, In the
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first
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quarter
, the urban
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areas
experienced an upward
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trend
and when it acquired a platform of 4% then it
gradually
goes down.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
experienced
Consider replacing "in an opposite manner" with the adverb for "opposite"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an opposite manner
where it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
decreasing from the
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first
quarter.

At the beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
, urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in Australia experienced an upward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from 2% to 4%, and later it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
experience decreasing in the second
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quarter
from 4% to 2%,
however
again in the
next
two
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quarters
, it
gradually
goes upward from 2% to almost 5%.

Rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
stated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
experience of the downward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
in the beginning of 2012, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
declining in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
and second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
from 7% to 4. 5%.
However
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of second-quarter, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
of increasing from 4. 5% to almost 6% and for rest of the year, it continued showing
gradually
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
.
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IELTS academic Unemployment rate of urban and rural in Australia in 2012

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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