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Bar chart about the percentage of workforce in the UK in 1841 and 2011

Bar chart about the percentage of workforce in the UK in 1841 and 2011 dqmd7
The graph illustrates the portion of the distributions of the UK laborers in five main fields: manufacturing, services, agriculture/fishing, construction, energy/water in 1841 and 2011. Overall, the workforce allocated in services and construction terms increased between 1841 and 2011, while the contribution of other industries decreased. In addition, in 1841, the highest number of workers was in the manufacturing industry and the lowest number of laborers was in power/water fields. Whereas, the highest position was taken by services and the other was replaced by manufacturing and agriculture/fishing industries. To begin with, in 1841, the allocation of workers in manufacturing, services, and agriculture/fishing constituted to the majority of the workforce in the UK 36%, 33%, and 22% in return. In 2011, the proportions of manufacturing and agriculture/fishing labor sharply dropped to just above a tenth and 1%, while that percentage of the services industry experienced a significant growth and peaked at just over 80%. Regarding the other two sectors, the distribution of the labors in construction and energy/water fields accounted for the minority of that portion throughout the period. The percentage of the employees in the construction industry slightly went up to 8% in 2011 by an increase of 3%. Meanwhile, that figure in the energy/water field saw a slight decrease by 2%. Moreover, this figure also was the lowest in both 1841 and 2011.
The graph illustrates the portion of the distributions of the UK laborers in five main
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fields
:
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manufacturing
,
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services
,
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agriculture/fishing
,
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construction
, energy/water in 1841 and 2011.

Overall
, the workforce allocated in
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services
and
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construction
terms increased between 1841 and 2011, while the contribution of other
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industries
decreased.
In addition
, in 1841, the highest number of workers was in the
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manufacturing
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industry
and the lowest number of laborers was in power/water
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fields
. Whereas, the highest position
was taken
by
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services
and the other
was replaced
by
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manufacturing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture/fishing
industries.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 1841, the allocation of workers in
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manufacturing
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, and
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agriculture/fishing
constituted to the majority of the workforce in the UK 36%, 33%, and 22% in return. In 2011, the proportions of
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manufacturing
and
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agriculture/fishing
labor
sharply
dropped to
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just
above a tenth and 1%, while that percentage of the
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services
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industry
experienced a significant growth and peaked at
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just
over 80%.

Regarding the other two sectors, the distribution of the labors in
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construction
and energy/water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
accounted for the minority of that portion throughout the period. The percentage of the employees in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
slightly
went up to 8% in 2011 by an increase of 3%. Meanwhile, that figure in the energy/water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a slight decrease by 2%.
Moreover
, this figure
also
was the lowest in both 1841 and 2011.
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IELTS academic Bar chart about the percentage of workforce in the UK in 1841 and 2011

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
224 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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