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Average usage per person of Twitter and Facebook in a week in Australia

Average usage per person of Twitter and Facebook in a week in Australia Y23n5
The given line graph illustrates the average person's usage of Twitter and Facebook in a week in Australia during the period of 2012 and 2016. Overall, it is crystal clear from the diagram that the popularity of Facebook in Australia increased throughout the year, while the usage of Twitter decreased before skyrocketing. According to the diagram it can be evident that in 2012, the trend for both Twitter and Facebook were nearly similar which was between 20 and 25. Since 2012, the popularity of Facebook dramatically accelerated till the 2014 which crossed 30 number of times. Whereas, from 2014 to 2016 showed slight increase, it reported just below 35 number of times. Moreover, it can be seen that the usage of Twitter was the highest in 2012, but the popularity fallen drastically till 2014. In 2013, the usage slipped to below 15 and continued the trend till the 2014 which was just above 10. On the otherhand, from 2014, it showed an upword trend which slighly increased to just below 14. Surprisingly, the popularity of Twitter rocketed in between 2015 and 2016. More importantly the usage of Twitter overcome the usage of Facebook in the year of 2016.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph illustrates the average person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of Twitter and Facebook in a week in Australia during the period of 2012 and 2016.

Overall
, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the diagram that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
of Facebook in Australia increased throughout the year, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of Twitter decreased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
skyrocketing.

According to the diagram it can be evident that in 2012, the trend for both Twitter and Facebook were
nearly
similar which was between 20 and 25. Since 2012, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
of Facebook
dramatically
accelerated till the 2014 which crossed 30 number of times. Whereas, from 2014 to 2016
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
slight increase, it reported
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 35 number of times.

Moreover
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of Twitter was the highest in 2012,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
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popularity
fallen
drastically
till 2014. In 2013, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
slipped to below 15 and continued the trend till the 2014 which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 10. On the
Possible spelling mistake found.
otherhand
, from 2014, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an
Possible spelling mistake found.
upword
trend which
Possible spelling mistake found.
slighly
increased to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 14.
Surprisingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popularity
of Twitter rocketed in between 2015 and 2016. More
importantly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of Twitter overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
of Facebook in the year of 2016.
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IELTS academic Average usage per person of Twitter and Facebook in a week in Australia

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
198 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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