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Average kg of rice per household per year

Average kg of rice per household per year 25VeM
A glance at the line graph provided reveals an average annual rice consumption per household in kg between 1991 and 2005. It is evident that the average consumption decreased durian this period with some fluctuations. Having started with around 55 kg in 1991, the consumption declined to 20 kg in 1993 following a gradual fall. However, this fall was not stable as the intake began to grow slowly from 1993 to 1995. 1995 to 1996 saw a sharp rise from 22 kg to 50 kg. It was followed by some ups-and-downs until the mid 1999. The amount of average rice consumption then soared so much so that it hit the apex of 80 kg. However, that did not last long since the intake plummeted to 10 kg coming to 2001. The amount of consumption did not change until the mid 2002. This stability then followed by a short growth until the mid 2003. The rest of the period, nevertheless, remained constant coming to the point of 20 kg.
A glance at the line graph provided reveals an average annual rice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
per household in kg between 1991 and 2005. It is evident that the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
decreased
Possible spelling mistake found.
durian
this period with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with around 55 kg in 1991, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
declined to 20 kg in 1993 following a gradual fall.
However
, this fall was not stable as the intake began to grow
slowly
from 1993 to 1995. 1995 to 1996
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a sharp rise from 22 kg to 50 kg. It
was followed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ups-and-downs until the mid 1999. The amount of average rice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
then soared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it hit the apex of 80 kg.
However
, that did not last long since the intake plummeted to 10 kg coming to 2001. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
until the mid 2002. This stability then followed by a short growth until the mid 2003. The rest of the period,
nevertheless
, remained constant coming to the point of 20 kg.

IELTS academic Average kg of rice per household per year

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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