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australian men and women who did regular physical exercise

australian men and women who did regular physical exercise 2X7k
The given bar chart compares the proportion of males and females in six different age groups who did a daily physical exercise in Australia in the year 2010. Overall, it is clear that the majority proportion of women are doing the regular physical activity than men. In males, only the youngest one is doing the most physical activity. In the young category, just over a half of male youngsters did fitness, while just under fifty percent of women did. This was the only category in which the male’s percentage exceeded that of females. On contrary, in the 25-34 age group the men’s percentage was not as high as for women, with 42% as against 48%. In the next following age group, men are around 39. 5% and women are about 52. 5. In the middle-old age group, the percentages of males and females are almost the same. In the elderly age, both genders did an equal amount of physical activity.
The
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given
bar chart compares the proportion of
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males
and females in six
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different
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age
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groups
who did a daily
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physical
exercise in Australia in the year 2010.

Overall
, it is
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clear
that the majority proportion of
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women
are doing the regular
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physical
activity than
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men
. In
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males
,
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only
the youngest one is doing the most
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physical
activity.

In the young category,
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just
over a half of male youngsters did fitness, while
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just
under fifty percent of
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women
did. This was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
category in which the male’s percentage exceeded that of females. On contrary, in the 25-34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s percentage was not as high as for
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women
, with 42% as against 48%. In the
next
following
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
,
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men
are around 39. 5% and
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women
are about 52. 5. In the middle-
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, the percentages of
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males
and females are almost the same. In the elderly
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age
, both genders did an equal amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity.
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IELTS academic australian men and women who did regular physical exercise

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
160 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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