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at what age should certain rights and responsibilities be granted to young people

at what age should certain rights and responsibilities be granted to young people OykRj
The bar graph above gives information about the results of a questionnaire answered by 1000 adolescent of different nations that when a young person should be granted with particular responsibilities and rights. The participants came from a great variety of countries, including USA, UK, Japan, Mexico, and Egypt. The biggest gap of opinions was on the age at which a young individual should take responsibility for the crimes they have done and it was between American and Japanese people, whereas the formers believed on the age of 12, the latters agreed on 18. The ideas about the best age for getting married were quite the same between various countries by only two or three years in difference, however people from Japan thought that at the age of 23, a young person may be prepared to manage a marriage life. The same is true about the freedom to vote, where the majority of countries agreed on the average age of 17, Japanese, once again, held a different idea. They said until the age of 20, a person may not be ready to decide for voting events. In conclusion, most of the nationalities have nearly the same opinions, but in an Asian country like Japan, people think a bit different from others, maybe due to the various types of culture of each.
The bar graph above gives information about the results of a questionnaire answered by 1000 adolescent of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations that when a young person should
be granted
with particular responsibilities and rights.

The participants came from a great variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "including the USA".
including USA
, UK, Japan, Mexico, and Egypt.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
biggest gap of opinions was on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
at which a young individual should take responsibility for the crimes they have done and it was between American and Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, whereas the
Possible spelling mistake found.
formers
believed on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 12, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
latters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
on 18.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for getting married were quite the same between various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two or three years in difference,
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 23, a young person may
be prepared
to manage a marriage life.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
same is true about the freedom to vote, where the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
on the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 17, Japanese, once again, held a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. They said until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 20, a person may not be ready to decide for voting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

In conclusion
, most of the nationalities have
nearly
the same opinions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in an Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like Japan,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a bit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others, maybe due to the various types of culture of each.

IELTS academic at what age should certain rights and responsibilities be granted to young people

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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